The Messy Middle: What It Really Looks Like to Heal
Healing isn’t linear. It’s not even a line.
It’s Jeremy Bearimy.
(And if you don’t get that reference, go watch The Good Place — it’s a perfect comfort show.)
And honestly? Most of us are somewhere in the middle of that scribble. Not rock bottom. Not thriving. Just... navigating the in-between. Stumbling forward, circling back, crying on a Tuesday in a Kmart parking lot.
My Messy Middle
There was a time when I thought healing meant I’d eventually wake up one day fixed. The sun would shine, the clouds would part, I’d do yoga, peace would wash over me and my inner child would just… chill.
But here’s what my reality actually looked like:
Being a social butterfly… then ghosting for weeks (…..months)
Having a really good therapy session… then having an emotion hangover for 4 days
Having weeks pass me by - feeling like I got nowhere and nothing has happened
Feeling better… and then crashing out of nowhere again
I used to beat myself up for this cycle.
Until I learned: this is the cycle. It’s just life and it comes in waves. For everyone.
So here are tips to surf the wave. I don’t always get them right, but I come back to them again and again.
1. Letting Go of the Finish Line
Healing doesn’t have a deadline. There’s no graduation ceremony. No perfect version of you waiting on the other side. You will never be “perfect” or “complete”. Stop trying to be, you are setting yourself up for failure. When I finally stopped treating recovery like a checklist or a destination, I had space to just be human.
2. Talking to Myself Out Loud
Embrace your inner crazy person and talk to yourself. Not journaling, not analyzing — just saying: “I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m numb. I feel heavy.” or “hello aniexty, you're allowed to be here, what would you like to tell me?”. That simple act activates self-awareness, permission and reduces shame. If, like me, you’re a ‘why girlie,’ here it is - it’s called affect labeling. Which is simply putting emotions into words to help regulate the amygdala — the fear center of the brain. Science says: naming it = taming it.
3. Gaslight Yourself
Give yourself the permisssion to not do everything. If you are feeling overwhelmed by a fully messy house. Give yourself permission to do less. If the whole house feels like too much, just tell yourself: I’m washing one plate. If that’s all you do, great — you respected your limit. But more often than not, starting leads to doing more. That’s the magic of Behavioral Activation Therapy — motion breeds momentum. When I stopped pushing, I actually made progress — tiny steps = big shifts.
The One Thing That Will Hinder You Most
Waiting to feel “ready.”
Spoiler: you might never feel ready.
If I’d waited to feel ready to start Kind & Capable… you wouldn’t be reading this right now. And trust me — I still don’t feel ready.
You don’t heal by waiting for readiness. You heal by starting soft — even if you’re scared, unsure, or plagued with doubt.
This Is Your Reminder:
You don’t have to be fully healed to be worthy of rest, or softness, or joy.
You don’t have to wait until you love yourself to take care of yourself.
You don’t have to do it perfectly to be proud of trying.
The messy middle is where most of us live. And if that’s where you are — you’re not behind. You’re just human.
Stay kind to yourself.
Jamie
Further Reading (if you’re into that sort of thing):
